Thinking...

I've been thinking a lot lately about the past and about the present. I wonder at the things that seemed important or bad or problematic or simply mystifying then. I look at the things now that worry me or make me happy or annoy me. I wonder about the connections.

It's like the regular email I receive from a person that I've raged at for years. I deleted the first few thinking to myself, "Why am I getting this? What is the point?" Then curiosity got the better of me. I found that I was interested and glad that this person was doing ok. That a lot of my anger, in retrospect, was really just a waste of time. It's like the family issues that seemed so insurmountable at one point but were found to be only a conversation or two away from being put to rest. More wasted time. It's like the things that I railed against today that seemed at the time so damned important, but now, only a few hours later, seem so trivial that I'm embarrassed.

I know I've changed. I'm certainly not as patient as I once was, and I'm definately far more cynical. Optimism is much harder to maintain these days. How and when did this happen?