Not smoking and other weird stuff...

Before I get to the main reason for writing this post, I just want to point out something that is REALLY messed up: folks that have to die in the US armed forces before they can become citizens. At least have the decency to make these folks citizens when they VOLUNTEER for the US Armed Forces. Maybe there's less paperwork if you kill 'em first and THEN make them citizens. Sheesh!

Anyway, not smoking is weird. It's simply a bizarre way to go about things. While I'm certain that my body is going through a certain amount of physical distress as it weens itself from the nicotine that has been present in massive quantities for the past 14 years. However, that's not the strange thing. I can honestly say I don't CRAVE a cigarette. The thing is, I have no idea what to do with my hands. I'm so used to having a smoke attached to my fingers that now I feel as if something's peculiar; out of whack as it were. It's especially strange in the morning. My normal routine was to stumble out of bed, put on the coffee, turn on the computer and light up a smoke. I never really liked that first smoke, but ya gotta have it at some point so might as well get it done early. Now, I get up, put on the coffee, turn on the computer and...and...kind of spaz out for a moment. If I'm not typing or eating, I find myself clutching my fingers to keep them still. If I don't do that, I end up drumming on stuff.

There are other weird, "my routine is f**ked up" moments throughout the day. The 15 minute break between classes that ALWAYS included a smoke or two. The "hell, I've got nothing better to do, might as well have a smoke" moments, that could happen at any time (usually when my fingers began to twitch). Weird, strange, bizarre, yep.

Well, as they say: that which doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Or maybe it should be that which hasn't killed you yet, possibly won't kill you now? Who knows? Will it last? Yes, I think so. I'm not ruling out the odd smoke here and there, but I'm certain that I'll never get back to the 2 + packs a day I was smoking before.

I'm simply ready for the change.