Hell is full of Cherry Blossoms!

Ah yes, spring is here. Warm (well sort of warm anyway) weather, short skirts, and the ubiquitous cherry blossom. The trees turn snow white, adding a brilliant splash of color to the new greenery. "Wow," you might say, "sounds wonderful."

Every year about this time, Chungnam opens it's gates to the public so that people can come and view the dozens of blooming cherry trees scattered around the campus. Families, campus couples, and groups of school kids wander under the trees taking pictures and enjoying the sights. Street vendors are allowed on campus to sell their wares to the multitudes. University msic clubs erect stages, so their members can serenade the strollers with acoustic ballads and church music. "Awww, sounds sweet," you might say.

Here's the rub. The most popular spot for cherry blossom worship is along the road that runs in front of the foreign teacher apartments on campus. These blossom gazing tourists seem to believe that our apartment building is a public bathroom. It's hard to be either gracious or sympathetic when someone bangs on your door AT 8:00 IN THE GODDAMNED MORNING to ask if their kid can pee. Then the What-The-Hell-Was-I-Thnking Gospel Singers erect their stage IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMNED DRIVEWAY so that it's impossible for any one who lives in the apartments can get their cars in or out. To add insult to injury, the Too-Precious-To-Live Tabernacle Choir plug their equipment into our building to use electricity that WE HAVE TO GODDAMNED WELL PAY FOR!! Spring is a time to reflect how lucky Korea is that there are no readily available firearms.

The one consolation is tat it's mid-term exam time here at the university. While my students are not to blame for Cherry Blossom Hell, someone has to pay. Think of it as collateral damAge. BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!